2020 Recap

 What a crazy year. It has been far too long since I last posted; I got caught up in work. In fact, I think this is the first time I've touched my laptop since the previous post.

Where to start? Well, during the pandemic I worked as closing manager at a fast food restaurant. I won't go into too much detail as I want to get to the nature part of this post, but it was very difficult. The pandemic made everything hectic. I was constantly worried about catching the virus, amid being treated like dirt by customers, and given impossible numbers to meet by the District Manager.

While working, my mental health, family, and home life took a major hit. When I wasn't at work or sleeping, I threw myself into whatever nature-related activities I could do, in order to keep what precious sanity I had. I barely saw my husband or kids aside from our nature outings, and I neglected my chores, leaving them all to my husband, who also had a stressful full-time job.

I was fortunate enough to quit that job around November in order to focus on my family and mental health full-time. I realised there was still too much of me unhealed, and I had a major breakthrough via a corrected diagnosis: I did not have MDD after all; for 15 years I was taking meds for the wrong thing. It was actually bipolar II.

So, here I am, weaning off my previous meds, and about to be put on new ones. I also have GAD so I will have to take something for the depression, the hypomania, and the anxiety. Hopefully that helps me function better without any crazy side effects. I guess I will see.

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Now that a general update is out of the way, here's a quick recap of 2020 as far as nature goes!

(January was pretty uneventful, aside from my birthday, so I'll skip that month!)

February

This was right before the pandemic really took off. I'm not sure when exactly I started hearing about the mystery virus, but I believe it was late February. I was fortunate enough to go to Chicago Botanic's Orchid Show: Brilliance a day or two before they decided to shut it down. We also managed to take the kids to visit The Grove for the first time, where we saw a bunch of cool critters as well as historical buildings and items. I will make a separate post for the neat experiences we had there.

March

Since CBG was still open, I went several times, but honestly this is when everything kind of went to Hell with the virus, so I don't remember much, aside from being delighted at the sight of double Galanthus.

April

Work was crazy busy and stressful in a way it hadn't been pre-pandemic. All I remember is working myself to near death, finding more lawn crocuses, and seeking out spring ephemerals as much as I could in order to get through another workweek. There were times that, mid-hike, I was called in to work. I spent less and less time in our garden at home because I was just so busy.

May

Steve and I bought a bunch of annuals and filled planters with them, and we finally bought azaleas. I had a lot of cool experiences while hiking, like finding a Claytonia virginica with 6 petals.

June

I went hiking up in northern WI with one of my best friends after quitting my job for the first time. I will make a separate post to go more in depth about that trip. :)

I also saw two cool bugs I'd never seen before, let alone knew were present right here at home in Lake County, IL: the unexpected cycnia moth and a dung beetle! 

July

This month had my favourite nature experience, though there were many contenders for 2020. I went hiking through Somme Prairie Grove with Steve, where I finally met Asclepias pupurascens! And yes, you guessed it; I'll be posting about that, too. I had some other incredible nature moments: when I happened upon a rare parasitic bee in a forest preserve near home, when I stumbled across destroying angel fungi, and then when I found a bolete infected with Hypomyces sp.; the latter two were at Petrifying Springs State Park in Wisconsin.

There were some other really cool happenings in the pollinator garden this month, but that's a story for another post.

August

I went to CBG a few times (the pandemic made me reluctant to go often, even with timed entry), and spent a lot of time just admiring the pollinator garden at home whenever I was able to. I was working until anywhere between 1am up to 4am so I slept in a lot when I was home.

September

I suffered a lot in September. I had a very rough depressive episode that I frankly did not have time to properly navigate. It was around this time that I started thinking about quitting my job again, but I felt guilty and did not. I managed to drag myself out of the house a few times in late September for some fresh air.

October 

I felt like a stranger in our own garden. I hardly did any actual gardening in months, and by this time I was so swamped with work, I didn't even have the energy to take much of a stroll around the yard. I did manage to go to a pumpkin farm with Steve and the kids to pick out pumpkins, do a corn maze, and drink hot cider with fresh cider donuts.

November

This is where I snapped. I decided that it was time to take a mental health break from any job. Zero regrets about doing what I needed to take my life back. I took advantage of the little bit of autumn left by wandering for hours in Somme Woods, IBSP, and a couple other sites.

December

The following few months after quitting were pretty rough. I had two more terrible depressive episodes, both followed by terrible hypomanic episodes. Thankfully, I was able to spend all the time I needed in bed. And despite the addition of seasonal depression and the pandemic still raging, I at least had holiday cheer in December to keep me from feeling like I hit rock bottom. At the end of each day I reminded myself that at the very least, my family and I were healthy and safe in such rough times.

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So what's next? Part of my healing involves a lot of time outside and in the garden at home. I'm not sure what job I will do next, or when I will get around to that. I'm just focusing on getting better for now.

As per usual, I have an album full of photos I didn't post here. Click here to see additional pics.

And if you didn't know, I microblog on Instagram at @efflorescency. I hope everyone is well and staying safe. I am excited for what treasures nature has in this new year!